Yesterday was Cassie’s seventh cancerversary. “Yay,” right? We are of course thrilled that Cassie is still alive as many women with MBC don’t make it seven years. And, at the beginning of all this, we never dared allow ourselves to imagine that Cassie would live that long. Thank goodness we were wrong and thanks for all of the prayers, positive energy and thoughts that people send our ways as a means of support. Miracles can happen.
It’s a complicated day and time though. As her first cancerversary approached, Cassie and a therapist she was seeing at the time, identified that it was important to acknowledge and mark this date annually for as long as she is still alive. One of the ways we have done that is by getting Cassie a bracelet every year on the 13th of July. We did that this year too and, as is often the case, Dan went looking for a card to accompany Cassie’s bracelet. So, what type of card fits the occasion? “Congratulations” – doesn’t seem right. “Thinking of you” – feels too cold. “Hang in there” – too informal. “Happy Anniversary” – hard no. It’s a real conundrum.
This year Dan got a card that simply said “Shit” and that pretty well sums it up. As grateful as we are to be marking seven years, we also find ourselves more exhausted, worn down, sad and lonely as the hardness of living with this disease compounds every year. One way of thinking about this is that while we have gotten better at managing life with MBC, living life has actually gotten harder. We share this not because we need anything from anybody at this moment (we promise we will say when we do) but rather so others will know that these milestones for people living with a terminal illness can be complex and bittersweet. There certainly a sense of “yay” for sure but there’s perhaps an equal or even greater amount of “sh*t.”
