My birthday was last weekend. On a birthday morning walk with a close friend, I found myself saying: “It’s just 53 not at all a significant birthday.” Then I almost immediately contradicted myself by adding: “But if we have learned anything recently it’s that there is no such thing as an insignificant birthday.”
There is no such thing as an insignificant birthday. So simple but also a new mental frame. Who cares if the birthday doesn’t end in a zero or five? Every year we have is special and worth celebrating just because we have it. For me and Cassie, every birthday is a now poignant reminder that we are each still alive and choosing to live our lives as fully and full of love as we can.
Early on, after Cassie’s Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, a number of people said something that I found strange at the time. They remarked: “Well any of us could die anytime — I mean we could be hit by a bus tomorrow…” I still don’t know why people felt compelled to say that to us, but I found myself thinking about it a lot. Sure any of us could die at any time but most of us don’t live our lives that way. We don’t focus on the things that matter most or allocate our time as if we only have a limited amount of it left. Why not?
I think it’s because while we say it we don’t really believe it. We think (especially well-off white people) that we are almost guaranteed to live to a ripe old age and to have all the time we need. Well for me that myth was shattered with Cassie’s cancer diagnosis. While I sure hope that all the data is wrong and that she lives for a long time yet, I am not planning on it. I want to live each day like we have limited time left because that’s likely the reality. I want to make the most of each day and each year and that’s why there are no longer any insignificant birthdays.
