Dan comes from a family of big nappers. Cassie didn’t grow up that way. This has been one of those areas that we have had to reconcile over the course of our marriage. It’s been hilarious. There was that time Dan’s whole family was napping in Chicago and Cassie answered a knock on the front door only to be confronted by a total stranger dressed all in leather with a huge St. Bernard. (Everything worked out because “it was just Cousin Bernie.”) Or Dan trying to give Cassie napping lessons to limited success. (“Lie still. Close your eyes.”) We rest and recharge differently. And we’d grown OK with that over the years up to the time of Cassie’s diagnosis.
Then the recent holiday season got us both re-thinking the whole concept of rest. During all of the holiday craziness Cassie was constantly balancing her desire to participate in every activity, every party, every outing — every one of those fun opportunities that are presented that time of year — with the voice in her head that asks “will a late dinner on a week-night be too much?” “ Will a particular activity today cause her to miss other fun things later in the week?” It’s really hard.
Dan, not surprisingly, often suggests that Cassie “take a nap” or cancel an activity. Cassie usually opts to push through. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” she says. But, there has to be a balance.
What we’re learning is that resting one day doesn’t necessarily equate to energy the next. But having a number of really full days strung together is not just exhausting but makes Cassie feel even worse than usual. And, that living in the middle – neither fully doing or totally resting – is unfulfilling. So, Cassie must follow her gut and do what feels right. Sometimes pushing through for a number of fun activities is totally worth it! Sometimes the voice in her head will say: “This is too much” and we need to listen to that and be aware of the consequences if we choose differently. It’s a constant balancing act but we’ve come to appreciate two things: 1) That relying on Cassie’s intuition usually gets us to the right place and 2) That those napping lessons are finally paying dividends.
This is so wise and important, and so hard to do, for all of us! Thank you for reminding us how we need to be patient but intentional in learning what it means to take care of ourselves, Cassie.