I can see how a cancer diagnosis can tear a couple apart. The fear, the insecurity and the stress could easily become insurmountable. One of the things we’ve found helpful is to maintain old habits and develop new ones that keep us connected. In fact, one of our new life “buckets” (see our last post for more on those) that we try to practice daily is connection.
For the last three years, Dan has been writing in a gratitude journal every night. I joined him in the nightly ritual about two years ago. Now, each night before bed we take time to write, independently, in our gratitude journals. Just two or three or ten things from the day for which we are grateful. Neither of us goes to sleep before asking the other “did you write in your book?” This shared practice of gratitude keeps us grounded in the positive. (Although, on my dark days I can struggle. And, I admit to a few less than grateful entries.)
A new habit we developed is taking a little time each morning to randomly choose and then read together an Affirminator card. Our dear friend, Beth, gave a deck of these cards to Cassie a while back (you can find them on Amazon). The cards have fun, affirming messages that connect us and get us in the right frame of mind to start our days.
These simple habits have been helping us maintain a closeness and shared perspective.
Here is our Affirminator from today –
“No Need To Do: I am exactly where I need to be, exactly when I need to be. There’s nothing more I need to do. I mean, yes, there will always be laundry and taxes – but in terms of my life’s path, I don’t need to do anything because I am already here. I take a deep breath, relax, and trust (and then do laundry).”
I appreciate you and Dan sharing your words and reflections on this blog, Cassie! I like the idea of the Affirmation Cards and the gratitude journal. I always really admire how you two strive to keep and maintain strong and heartfelt connections — both with each other and with the loved ones who surround you. Thanks for being you.
The gratitude journal and Affirminator ideas are wonderful – we’d read “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant (and I have since read every book by both authors, but have a particular love for Adam Grant’s work, including his podcast “WorkLife”) and implemented a few ideas into our daily lives, including one slightly similar to yours: every night before falling asleep we tell each other 3 positive things from the day. In our mutated version of Adam’s advice, we make sure one of the positive things is an action – something we actually did that day (ran a meeting which actually helped, thought of a new idea that we’re going to implement at work, fixed something around the house) and the other things could be as innocuous as “this little kid shot a basketball toward the hoop and was so proud of themselves and kept giggling, and it was one of my favorite moments of the day”.
I’ve found going to bed with positive things on my mind helps set the tone for my sleep – and I actually get more sleep than nights where we didn’t do this. Instead of thinking of all the bad stuff, being frustrated that I’m going to have to call insurance the next day because they billed us incorrectly, etc…, I close my eyes thinking of nice fluffy bunnies – you get it 🙂
This blog is a great idea, and I thank you for making the time to digest your thoughts and feelings and share them with us.
Cassie- it is a real treat to hear your “voice.” Thank you for sharing what you are feeling and thinking.