This past September Dan was supposed to have gone hiking in the Spanish Pyrenees with two friends. However, when Cassie’s cancer started to progress late last year and we saw the impacts the new meds were having, we decided to pull the plug on this trip. It just seemed like being away on a mountain in another country was a bridge too far at that moment. It felt scary and disconnected so Dan decided not to go.
This past September Cassie and Dan were supposed to have gone hiking in Yosemite. It would have been our first trip of this type and we thought it would be fun to do together and a good replacement for Dan’s cancelled Spanish hike. However, four days before we were supposed to leave we again pulled the plug. This time a flare up of Dan’s plantar fasciitis was to blame. We knew it was the right call (trying to listen to what our bodies are telling us) but it was disappointing and we were both bummed.
Then we pivoted.
We wound up at a Dude Ranch in Northern Colorado and it was a trip of a lifetime. We rode horses every day. Cassie on Rocky and Big Jake and Dan saddled up on Shiloh. We fished, shot some traps and saw multiple moose. The food was delicious. We made a new friend (hi Eileen). It was magic and it was exactly where we were supposed to be.
That’s the thing about couples living with MBC. We have had to get really good at pivoting.
- Cassie not feeling well after we had made plans. Pivot.
- One of us is really stressed out or sad and wants to stay in bed for the day. Pivot.
- Vacation planned that turned out not to be realistic or the best timing. Pivot.
- Supposed to meet friends for dinner but one of us is simply not up to it. Pivot.
- The meds being particularly unruly today. Pivot.
- Start an evening out and realize you actually don’t have the energy you thought you did. Pivot.
And so on and so forth.
The keys to good pivoting for us are: remaining open, being gentle on ourselves and helping one another. It often takes one of us to give the other permission to slow down or change plans. We are both social. We both hate to disappoint our friends (for God’s sake we both hate being five minutes late to something so canceling at the last minute feels unnatural). We also both REALLY want to maximize the time we have left together so we have to help each other remember that often maximizing our time together actually involves doing less not more and that it’s perfectly fine to pivot!
