Cassie’s Metastatic Breast Cancer has started to progress. We always knew this day would come because there is no stopping this cancer – all you can do is slow it down. And, slow it down we did for the past six years for which we both feel incredibly grateful.
Yet here we are at what kind of feels like a return to the beginning. New drugs. New uncertainty. A new clock that feels like it is ticking louder. We are both bummed of course and more than a little anxious.
Cassie often listens to the Calm app (highly recommended) and the other day it sent her a message that said: “You are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience.” That really resonated with us because we do know so much more now than we did when Cassie was first diagnosed. For instance, we now know the difference between being scared and living in fear. Being scared is a normal and natural reaction to late stage cancer progression (and too many other things too, like the possibility of Trump winning again). But we can allow ourselves to be scared and also choose to not let the fear control us – to not “live” in it 24 hours a day and that is exactly what we are both trying to choose.
To live in love not fear. To live in the present moment, not the future. And, most of all, to live as fully as we can each and every day that we still have together.
