Last night Dan snapped at Cassie out of the blue and she responded with her own snappy retort. Our “snappiness” didn’t last long and it didn’t take Einstein to figure out that it had nothing to do with Dan’s particular comment. Rather we were both anxious and stressed out (like everybody ) due to Coronavirus.
Yes we are trying to “fear less” but how do we do that when, for the first time ever, one of us is in the special category (immuno-compromised people) that is being discussed on the news every minute? How do we fear less when we feel isolated being away from our friends and family? How do we fear less when we think about Cassie possibly getting sick 2,100 miles away from her doctors?
Do we stay here? Do we go home? We were already anxious before and now it feels like anxiety on steroids.
Yet, at the same time, we don’t want to just give up on this time away. In many ways, since Cassie’s diagnosis, we have felt that one of the only things keeping us going is having stuff to look forward to and we’ve been anticipating this trip for well over a year. So while using common sense, we don’t want our fear and anxiety to rule us, to control our decisions. We don’t want to act precipitously or make a decision that we might regret when we have more information or a little time has passed.
On the one hand maybe going home makes sense. On the other hand, Cassie’s doctor didn’t say that and in fact said it was just fine to stay as long as we took precautions. And, if are going to have to “socially isolate” wherever we are, why not do it where its 70 degrees and sunny. Why not enjoy the delicious wine we have stock-piled and the fresh food that’s still available? Why not walk Doc among the vines (no people there), play a lot of cribbage in the backyard and enjoy each other’s company and focused attention?
There’s no clear-cut answer but we’ve decided to take it day-by-day and not let anxiety make the decision for us. That’s helpful in this moment and we have a feeling will also be a lesson that applies over and over again on this metastatic breast cancer journey.
Word.